The 3.5-Star Movie
An ode to fine movies
Sometimes, good is great.
A cold Bud Light on a warm summer day. Frozen snack bar chicken tenders after a day in the pool. A Tuesday night NBA on TNT game between the Sacramento Kings and the Cleveland Cavaliers.
What do these things have in common? Their overwhelming good-ness. They are not the pinnacle of life’s riches. A cold Bud Light is not a craft beer. Chicken tenders re-heated at your community pool are not as good as Thomas Kellers’ roasted chicken at The French Laundry. And your Tuesday night TNT game in February is probably going to be less thrilling than Game 5 in the 2021 NBA Finals between the Bucks and the Suns.
But not all of life’s experiences can be Michelin-starred or last-second shots. In fact, most of them aren’t. Thus, it is our mission as cultural consumers to find pleasure in things that are good. The same goes for movies. Not every film will be an auteurist’s magnum opus. But that does not mean that a Friday night at your local cineplex will be devoid of enjoyment. Sometimes, the overwhelming okay-ness of a C+ movie, a canned beer, or a tender of chicken makes it great.
Enter the 3.5-star movie. A movie that earns a 3.5/5, 7/10, 70% rating.
Perfectionists or teacher’s pets scowl at a C. God forbid we get less than a 98% on anything! But making movies is hard. And on the spectrum of all movies ever made, being in the top 30% is pretty good.
Being in the top 2% of movies is rarified air. I don’t give five stars to anything. I don’t even give five stars to movies I love. Here’s my system…
5 Stars- A masterpiece of cinema. Undoubtedly, no question.
Example: Chinatown
4.5 Stars- Just about perfect. It may need more critical acclaim or commercial appeal. It may take some time before it is cemented in the popular imagination as a classic. It’s close, though… really close.
Example: C’mon C’mon
4 Stars- I either love this movie, or it’s excellent.
Example: Nope
3.5 Stars- There are two types of movies I give 3.5 Stars.
A close-to-perfect film with an egregious choice (See Babylon)
A good movie
Yep, a good movie. A movie to watch with the family one night or on your 5-hour flight. It’s not complicated. It doesn’t make you think about life. It doesn’t teach you anything. It’s just a fun romp!
Theaters used to be flooded with 3.5 Star movies. Lots of comedies and rom-coms fall into this category. Sports movies, lower-stakes dramas, and movies that could earn back their budgets in a weekend.
Perhaps these movies are easier to imagine by describing what they are not. They are not sweeping epics. Nor are they small indie films. The filmmaker is not the movie star. In other words, you know these movies by their actors, not their writers and directors. They are not biopics or thought experiments, and not kids movies or franchise fare. And they certainly are not Oscar bait.
In recent years, we have seen a mass decline in 3.5-star movies. Or maybe we haven’t? With theater closures during the pandemic and the rise of streamers, many of these types of films have been dumped on Netflix, Hulu, or HBOMax with little fanfare. And because of this, folks get to them when they can. Maybe on a random Tuesday night at home. A rainy afternoon with the family. Or maybe next time you’re on a plane.
Despite their absence from cultural conversations, these movies are indispensable. They have a high floor and a high ceiling. At worst, it’s a fun watch. At best, it’s an instant classic, a “Rewatchables” episode in 5 years.
But more important than this, these are the types of movies that normal, non-film-twitter dorks, want to see. Contrary to critical opinion, audiences typically see movies to have fun. Movies are entertainment, and they should be entertaining. They should allow us to spend 2 to 3 hours outside ourselves, letting us sink into a story and escape our reality. Yes, sometimes movies make us think and take us to higher places emotionally, philosophically, and spiritually. Those are my favorite types of movies. But not all movies can do this. Nor should they. The film industry only works when it serves a diverse array of options to meet the wants and needs of all types of viewers. What’s great about the 3.5-star movie is that they usually appeal to all viewers. Grandma, Uncle Jim, and even great-aunt Lara can have a good time. So why don’t we stick more of them in theaters? Or, at the very least, make them visible and easy to find.
In my ideal world, I find these movies in theaters and not while scrolling through Delta’s in-flight entertainment. Nevertheless, this world is far from ideal. So, even though I am a year late, I am taking this opportunity to spotlight two great 3.5-star movies- Hustle and Confess, Fletch. I promise you can put them on with any crowd, and everyone will find something to like.
Hustle
Written by: Taylor Materne and Will Fetters; Directed by: Jeremiah Zagar
Rating 3.5/5 stars
The sports movie trope is overdone, at least for me. Even I, a passionate basketball fan, am bored of the same narrative. It usually involves an outsider in a sport trying to break in. Or an underdog team trying to beat the best. And, of course, they succeed. Or they find some form of success. Even if they don’t win in typical sports terms, they win spiritually. The team or character has ascended to a higher plane of existence or learned a valuable lesson. It’s a tried and true story. It’s A League of Their Own; it’s The Sandlot, The Blind Side, and Moneyball (I can name all of them if you want).
And yet, Hustle, which follows the same redemptive character arc, works so well because of all the exciting choices on the margins of a narratively simple story.
The least interesting part of the movie is the plot. Adam Sandler plays Sandy Sugerman (an all-time Adam Sandler character name), a scout for the Philadelphia 76ers. He is promoted to assistant coach but then asked by his new, cocky, hot-shot owner to get back out in the field and find an international superstar to take the team to the next level. This leads him to Bo Cruz, a nobody from Spain, portrayed deftly by Juancho Hernangomez.
What happens before or after that kind of matters but not really. The plot unravels like a typical sports movie. Yet, Hustle delivers surprises and moments of emotional catharsis despite this.
Adam Sandler delivers another excellent leading performance infused with comedy, angst, and an every-man quality that makes his characters so believable. He has a lot of work to do here, especially because he anchors a cast composed of real-life NBA personalities. Aside from Queen Latifah, his co-stars are Juancho Hernangomez and Kenny Smith. His supporting cast includes Matisse Thybulle, Trae Young, and an electric performance by Anthony Edwards. There are even cameos from Doc Rivers, Brad Stevens, etc. (I won’t spoil them all because recognizing these figures is one of the great joys of the movie).
Complimenting an all-star cast, Hustle subverts the traditional comeback story with an ingenious plot tool that makes the movie feel distinctly of this moment. It is well-shot, thrilling, and funny, delivering on its promise as a low-stakes sports dramedy.
Confess, Fletch
Written by Greg Mottola and Zev Borow; Directed by Greg Mottola
Rating: 3.5/5 stars
I am so mad I waited until my fifth flight of 2023 to watch Confess, Fletch. I heard good things, but all I knew about it was that it was a comedy starring Jon Hamm. Low stakes, high reward. Why not give it a try?
I sank into my Delta Comfort Plus seat with ginger ale on my tray table and immediately fell in love with the movie. You fall in love with Confess Fletch so quickly because you fall in love with Irwin Fletch (Jon Hamm). In the film's first scene, Fletch walks into his rented apartment only to find a dead body. So you probably think this is a thriller. Not quite. Fletch approaches the conundrum as casually as someone who finds spoons in a utensil drawer. “Yea, so what? A dead body? It’s not me, and I didn’t do it,” he says, in dialogue that sounds much cooler than what I just wrote.
From here, the movie takes off. As we follow Fletch on his multiple quests to solve the murder, clear his name, and find stolen paintings, the film takes us to new and unexpected adventures in every scene. From set piece to set piece, director Greg Mottola brings in every great character actor for their 6 minutes in the spotlight and lets them rip. It is a joy to watch.
For the first time in recent memory, a director knows how to utilize the comedic coolness and suavity of Hamm. He’s gruff and hot and funny and knowing all at once. He’s not a shmuck. He’s the opposite. He can get away with anything. He plays that type of character pitch-perfect, and he’s the perfect movie star to hitch a bunch of character actors to. I didn’t know the names of most of the supporting actors before I turned the movie on, but by the end, I was convinced they should be in everything.
A perfect movie? Of course not. If it were, it wouldn’t be 3.5 out of 5 stars. Yes, the story can get a bit convoluted, and yes, the second act isn’t paced as well as the first and third. But who cares. Actually. Who cares? No one. Because this movie doesn’t ask you to devote anything to it besides your time. All you have to do is sit, watch, and enjoy. No real thinking is required—no expectations to surmount.
Nothing. And when you watch a film expecting nothing, and it delivers 3.5/5, I’d say that’s a success!